How can awesome twosome be quarrelsome

It was a beautiful Sunday morning;  dear gorgeous mom wants to have 15 more minutes nap before arranging breakfast for the family. Everything seems calm and serene till she heard a thud and then a shrilling cry mingled with a howl. She jumped out of bed and rushed towards the catastrophic scenario created by her awesome kids of age three and eight.  “Stop it ” pleaded the mom. With a frustrating tone, she could only mutter-“I can’t understand why on earth you two fight like cat and dog?” Perhaps, both kids didn’t want to hear mum, or maybe they consider her invisible; they keep on presenting their mastery skills of fighting with each other. Fistfight followed by kick fight and in between pulling hair fight was the layout of the morning routine.
Undeniably, to control the situation, our dear mom intervened with a roaring voice and holding their arms. But, this turn into a session of verbal accusations and aggression. Finally, half an hour battle ends with an avalanche of tear washing away the peace of the house. Meanwhile, handling all these dramas left our dear mom drained, exhausted and frustrated. She couldn’t understand she is dealing with her kids or evil monsters who conspired to suck her energy level in early morning hours.
Our dear mum’s situation is nothing less than a ringmaster in a cage who is dealing with two fighting tigers together. Neither the ringmaster can escape, nor tigers can go out of the cage as the show needs to go on.
She thought for a moment and picked herself again with a different thought process. She knows that she is doing best for her kids but understand that she needs to do better. Perhaps, that’s motherhood where being best is not enough, and one needs to walk extra miles.
Sloping on the sofa, she recalled how astutely her mom could manage three children in a limited income household. “Is the world-changing or rather I am missing out some old school tricks”-she pondered. She recalled how her mother struggled to send her to a music school where she develops the extra skill of playing keyboard. Although, it never being utilised as she professionally chooses a career in computer science where such skills are of little importance. But today, realised as a child how essential music was for her to learn the nuance of keeping focus and getting positive attention from playing keyboard and singing.
She realised that’s one loose end , for a complete package she needs to identify other solution strings. The complexity of the situation requires a multipronged approach. Illogical behaviour pattern of children would be another grey area to invest in time and energy. But How?
First, she changes her wishful thinking to realistic thinking. She questioned herself -“Is disagreement between two kids abnormal?”
Perhaps, not. But, what here abnormal is out of proportion fighting and anger outburst. So, what exactly triggering extreme behaviour of two kids?
Is it an inability to cope with a problem situation or inability to deal with anger itself.
After the clearance of first morning Strom, she entered the room of elder one. ” Can we talk for a moment, son?” I understand you are in a difficult situation when I am not around but could you suggest something we can work together. ”
The elder one in a grumpy voice replied-“younger one is such an idiot. He said I am a baby. I told him I am NOOOOOOOTTTTTTT………
Mum remained poker-faced because she knew whatever good or bad she is going to say for such revengeful statement it’s only fuelling the issue. At this point, usually, children use temper tactic and start running the show. They try to press the anger button of mom so that everything ends in a fighting note.
Instead, she calmly took the cues from the communication and navigated the talk with reflective questions. Rather than presenting a solution for a child (which he is invariably going to decline ) she let him bring the answer.

Afterwards, she stepped in the room of a young one. The young boy looks like a  benign and innocent  baby but needs a discussion for his unacceptable behaviour.
So, in a regular tome, she inquired what’s making him upset? How does he want to be treated in an upsetting situation?
Finally, she was relaxed for the morning that children and herself were in an upsetting situation, but she can handle it without blowing her up.
awesometwosome.jpg

Published by Dr Gargi Sinha

MBBS (Lady Hardinge Medical College, India) , Grad. Dip. Public Health (Edith Cowan University , Australia)

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