Nancy, 8-year-old, entered the room with her full energy and started jumping on the bed as if its a trampoline. Her mum Sussan sitting on the couch after her long night shift in a hospital asked Nancy -“Could you please stop and sit down to study “.
“NO NO NO ” giggled Nancy and started jumping more on the bed. Her mother found this as rude and sign of disobedience and ordered her with a shouting pitch -“I said you need to stop now. Can’t, you listen? You are growing into being a rude girl, and I am not going to tolerate. That’s how you think that a child of your age should behave?”
Nancy quickly jumped out of bed and ran outside shouting -“I don’t like you mom, you all the time do is to scold me.” Nancy went to another room and slammed the door again and start crying at her loudest pitch. Within 15 minutes, the house turns into an emotional warzone including the bombardment of usage of heavy words for each other and development of high tension zone in the premises.
Meanwhile, Nancy took out her iPad and start playing her favourite game for the next 20 minutes. Eventually, her mom entered the room and shouted-“how many time I need to tell you that are not supposed to play on iPad before you finish your study.” Afterwards, the whole drama repeated for the next hour, and the house suffered another emotional meltdown.
What is the situation of a 2020 parents
For many parents, residing in a fuming household with growing up kids is an everyday story. Undoubtedly, stress with one’s child can lead to other negative emotions such as guilt, apprehension and lack of concentration at the workplace. As a parent one always wish that things in the house shouldn’t be that stormy, and your child must learn to behave more softly. But how? No clues or as a parent you give up despite millions parenting technique you are aware? Perhaps, your smart and intelligent child is bitten by some crooked bug and making her a furious soul.
Unfortunately, as a parent, we want a quick fix of a behavioural issue and often forget to look at problems from a child’s perspective. Moreover, parents often overlook their daily communication with a child instead focus solely given to solve the rude behaviour of a child while they scold.
Wait a moment and step back
Can you tolerate anyone’s shouting and not respond them back?
Perhaps, in such situation usual response would fight back or flight back reaction. Either we going to say something to the person or we would leave the place immediately . Here it is crucial to realise that flight is the response our children are giving when a parent shout. They try to leave the area immediately as they know that they cant win.
But we are parents, we are saying things for the child’s benefit
Perhaps, you believe that you are saying it for the child’s welfare. However, the reality is that as a parent, you are not saying but shouting, additionally, none of the parties is going to gain anything fruitful with such harsh body language.
Then what should be done?
Understand the art of communication
Realise that when two people talk, they use a lot of nonverbal cues such as hand gestures or relaxed body muscles to build up an element of trust. While communicating with a child, trust can avoid unnecessary argument and trouble of emotional outburst in a home.
How can we increase the level of trust while communicating with a child?
Avoid hurtful speech
Hurtful wordings can severely hamper a child’s self-esteem
Don’t let them believe that you strongly believe that he/she is good for nothing. Children can go to any extent to prove what their parents think.
We often complain that our child loudly talk to us but forget to acknowledge ‘who is the teacher for teaching that shouting means showing the power’ If you trace back, perhaps, as a parent you send the message unknowingly hence, change yourself and let your child know about it
Instead of criticising, try to look from a child’s perspective. The problem he conveys you may seem little for you, but they may be big trouble for him. Try to listen rather than ignoring the child’s feeling.
Develop a common interest
Boost his/her self-conversation in a meaningful way by developing shared interesrt. For example, doing sketches, singing a song or going for a walk together.
In a nutshell, children tend to imitate adults. Sometimes they misbehave, but it doesn’t mean he/she wants to hurt their parents. It means they are struggling somewhere to cope with the outside environment and all they need is a courteous, respectful and fun association with their parents.